"Among the dangerous messages that reality TV sends out are the importance of competition, the value of image over ability, and the obsolescence of education"
I agree with Timothy Sexton, I am scared that teens could get lazy and instead of aiming for good grades and really work hard in school they think that they can get the easy way out by auditioning for fame and success in the latest reality show. Young women who think they got the looks might get the idea that ability does not matter since the people in the reality TV shows make it seem like that is all that you need to become successful in life.
Sexton are very concern about the signals reality shows are sending out to young people and so am I. I agree that it is very dangerous, actually more dangerous than most people think. I am scared that young people who are a little disorientated and do not really know what they want to do with their life's, might just get lazy and put their pens on their desks in school. This is after they have watched how easy it is to become famous in TV shows like "Jersey Shore" where they compete by who can make the biggest fool out of them self in national TV. Just show your tits or if not, sleep with the most chicks or drink the most tequila shoots out of everyone in the "Jersey shore house".
I feel that the luxury s lifestyle that the producers are sending out in shows like "The hills" are very tempting for young girls. The women in "the Hills" are all extremely good looking, skinny and wear the latest fashion. They are always invited to the most exclusive parties in Hollywood. What young girl would say no to that? my concern is that the outside are overshadowing other amazing sides of our youngsters, like that they are actually very smart, have good hearts and are good at other things than just shopping Prada bags. Media are promoting the importance of the shell of us humans, the perfect eyes, lips and shoes. They are giving people the impression that education is old fashioned and for that reason something we should not value.
The producers of reality TV should try to find a way how to make the shows as interesting as people think they are today. I think it is fine that they are showing a luxurious or crazy lifestyle but they should also try to give the viewers the whole picture of who these reality character really are, what else is there? what are they good at? are they well educated? give the kids of our future someone to look up to who are not all about the outside or just crazy.
Zandra, the thesis was difficult to pull out. I think your first paragraph contained 2 thesis ideas. In your last paragraph you switch position by saying that it is fine showing a crazy lifestyle which weakens your argument in the first 3 paragraphs. You could state in your intro that reality tv can be good and bad. You could develop that part. May be you could also develop the idea of how reality tv hurts education, giving an example or instance from you personally would prove your point. You have good ideas and I can see where you stand in terms of reality tv's negative effect on the audience. If you had a personal story or knew someone who was changed by reality tv would add some good substance to your argument as well. You also used a quote from the writer but you never touched on "the importance of competition" in your essay. In terms of grammar there seems to be a minor issue with past verb tense and capitalization mistakes when starting a new sentence.
ReplyDeleteHi!! I am a student in Dr.X’s class and I was asked to give you a feedback on your revision of CAT 1
ReplyDeleteFirst of all I think your claim/Thesis somewhat ok just a little weak on your argument .
Next
You had good reasons; if you related your reasons with the text a little more it will have been better. For example you were going well on your topic about the jersey shore but then you went in to luxury so I felt confuse.
Also
Was very brief
Lastly
The whole was a bit hard to read you really need to re-read and work on your grammar but with a little bit of hard work you will do fine on your CAT - RedMango
the summary of the passage is to short
ReplyDeletei think your thesis is clear because you understood the authors main poin.
your reasons are easy to undestand and conect to the topic. one reason i liked was "They are giving people the impression that education is old fashioned and for that reason something we should not value".
your evidence was detailed and concrete, as for example when you write about "the hills".
Lastly, i would like to say that your essay was fun to read.
Though your response has a single focus, the claim is not easy to pinpoint. See if you can create a clear claim before starting the rest of the paper next time.
ReplyDeleteAlso, where is the summary of Sexton. The quote is not enough.
Shoot-"where is the summary of Sexton." should have had a question mark at the end.
ReplyDeleteI thought the assignment was to rewrite the part of the essay that was not so good, which was my thesis, that's why I did not write a summary, sorry about that, I misunderstood!
ReplyDelete